I just finish to dey chop Hassan indomie when customer with better Pajero land. E be like say today go set.
“Babe, what’s up”
“I dey oh.” I talk as I bend small so I go see em face.
“Wow, you look good. Those…are awesome.” Em talk as em eye process the information wey dey commot from my cleavage. “Want to go for a drink?”
E be like say I go upgrade speak better English. This one think say na school I dey do for here.
“Drink is perfect”.
The guy okpolo eye wan burst as I troway that one. Mugu gats pay today.
“Restaurant is close by. See one near Hassan.” I point show the guy where we dey wack steady, “Na just to reverse small. Shebi we’ll not talk price first?
This Oga never talk since. Na my breast dey cos this commotion? Because, em eye no gree commot my chest since I bend. This viewing centre no dey free ohh. Make I stand sef, suck belle, throway chest, position nyash. Na me be this.
“I want a whole night. How much?”
“Ehhn! ! . On top fuck?! Wetin you dey do wey I never see?”
“So you dey nyarn pidgin?”
“I dey craze? No be Lagos den born me? Talk better price abeg! No be gold them use do your kpekus! I go still buy Gulder add sef.
“Hian! . I send you buy Gulder?. If you no wan pay, commot my front. See the girls wey dey that side, dem dey collect 1000Naira and na dem share gono pass. My last price na five thousand Naira.
“Na your papa go catch gono. See this ashawo ohh! ! ”
“Na who be ashawo?. Na your mama! ! . Tell am say na me talk am”
“Omonile of Ikeja Ashawo, I no want again! ! ! Abeg carry your hand commot from my motor.”
Remain small the mumu for don use tire mash my leg. Abeg I no wan see this okponu again. Another customer dey park, no time!
The character used is a cliched
misrepresentation. Studies by Ikeja dudes have shown that 89% of the Umu Ada Opebi group speak impeccable English.