Its been one month, five days, eight hours and twenty one minutes since Deola, Micheal and I clambered into a bus and returned from where we were posted. I’m still jobless.
Here is my everyday routine:
1. Wake up
2. Pray all the incompetent staff are fired from all the offices in Nigeria.
3. Pray the job site I subscribed to sends graduate recruitment jobs to my phone.
4. Pray a new multinational comes to nigeria. (FirstRand, why are you wasting time. Start recruiting. Thank You).
5. Drool. Cook. Apply for jobs. Bath once every 3 days. Watch tv. Apply for jobs. Driving lessons. Chat. Apply for jobs. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool…………..
I’ve started going for vigils and being more friendly to folks. Common, you don’t know who’s who and I just might be talking to a CEO.
I sleep and wake up on my laptop. The compose mail part of my mailbox is always open. I have resorted to sending mails to mail addresses listed on company sites. Some of the mails look like this:
“Dear company, please hire me. You can pay me peanuts if you like. You can pay me in actual peanuts. Anything! Hello? Hellooo? This is the 21st mail I’m sending today. Is anyone there?.”
(Signs of madness).
I now ignore texts and calls. All these fools want to know if I’m working.
FOOL, did you give me a job!?.
All through our final year, we were told that jobs are everywhere. Its true. But when you have to contest for that job with about 50,000 people, then you need to go for more vigils or seriously up your game.
I’ve lost my appetite. I don’t know if its worms or my jobless state. I know when I get a job, I’ll complain of the stress. Well, who doesn’t?. All that doesn’t really matter now.
I NEED A JOB!
I’M DESPERATE!!(Bellows, pulls hair and chews it.)
I’LL APPLY FOR ANYTHING!!!
This just popped up on a job search on google:
HALIBURTON GRADUATE ENGINEER RECRUITMENT:
Graduate engineers are needed for work at Haliburton, Port-Harcourt.
-B.Eng in any Engineering field or related discipline.
-Must be proficient in engineering software.
BLA BLA BLA
I studied Mass communication but I’m going to apply for this job. Bachelor of Engineering, my foot! Mass Communication is a related discipline as far as I’m concerned. As for the software, a tutorial on Google should cover that. I have uploaded my Cv and will click on submit after I am done with my blog.
By the way, I just saw a vacancy for a female escort. Call me crazy, but a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do.