Tomorrow is my birthday…yayyyyyyy!
*my theme song playing (lemur’s booty shaking song from penguins of madagascar)*
I’m absolutely happy to be alive. Its been 21 years of being a drama queen, cynic and an extremely annoying fellow.
I do not believe in birthday surprises so now I’m holding a list divided into two columns. There’s ‘friends’ on one side and ‘gift(s) to buy’ on the other side.
I’ve compiled everything I’ll need in this coming year and shared the buying duty amongst my friends. Smart…right? You should try it on your birthday.
Eniola gets to buy me contacts. Alex buys that new bag I saw at the mall. Dotun will buy the 5 rolls of tissue paper I need so desperately. Someone else is buying a bag of rice. Hey, don’t look at me like that! Its my gift and I have a right to ask for anything I want.
My silly younger sister called me today. She rants about being broke for some minutes(as usual) then she says happy birthday in advance. After that, she asks:
“You’re now 21 shebi?”
I say yes and she laughs happily. She launches into a tirade about how now I’m old and ripe for marriage.
“My body needs plenty money and that means you should marry a rich man”, she says.
I laugh with her and she cracks some few jokes all related to money or marriage. Somewhere in her mind she thinks she’ll come live with me in my husbands house and get an everlasting supply of cash. (˘̯˘ ) to her!
After the conversation, I sit on my bean bag and wonder whether the world has ganged up to ask me to get married. This is the 3rd time this week someone is ranting about me being “ripe” for marriage.
Now I don’t care about getting married right now, but I could really do with a serious relationship. I think I’m ready for that.
Well since I already have a list for my friends, this is my list to God. I shall anoint the piece of paper and put it into my bible after my morning devotion. I shall also burn some incense around the paper and sprinkle holy water too. This is to make absolutely sure that it works.
MY LIST TO MY BESTEST FRIEND:
1. .God please send me a husband and if he’s my friend already make me notice he’s the one.
P.s: If he doesn’t notice I’m the one, I shall stalk him and force him to marry me anyways, GBAM!
2. Let me win 5 million and an ipad in this Indomie noodles promo. I have already opened a new carton of noodles and used all my credit to text the numbers on all the packs to the 22050 code. Haven’t I tried?, 40 numbers….that’s 400naira.
What a waste of money…but I see some free millions in the future.
3. I need a good paying job. No interviews, no application. I just want to be called mysteriously for the job. The pay should also be 6 figured.
Thank you Lord, I know you have done it for me.
Hey!, if you think this is an disgruntled illusion and it cannot happen, then you need to go to church. You do know what miracles are, don’t you?
ONCE MORE…. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
P.s. In case you’re my friend and you didn’t get a message on what to buy, feel free to call and ask what I want.
If you surprise me with stuff I don’t want, I shall chase you with it. You will probably take it back to the shop and get me something else. Now don’t frown… I love u too.