SLUMDOG

My neighbour Iya biliki don dey shout again.
This time na em radio e dey shout for.
“Hehnnn!, una don start again.
Person no fit drink water drop cup for this yard”.
“Na only my thing una dey see to thief shebi? Today na yemoja wey go catch that mumu”.

I just dey look am as she dey shout.
No mind the yeye woman.
As I say make I turn enter my dormot,
I hear wey person dey knack door for my back.
GBAM,GBAM,GBAM.
“Come out oh”, she hala.
“Commot from inside dis room jare”, she chook em face for Baba tailor window.

People don start to gather near awa yard toilet.
“Why u dey shout na”, Baba tailor ask am.
By this time, all the small small pickin and agbaya for the yard don park for compound middle.
“Ehh henn!, all of you dey here”,iya biliki shout as im look well well, count all the head wey dey there.

She chook hand for im bra commot something whey them use feather tie.
“I don tire for my property to loss loss for this yard”.
” Yeye osun talk say make una put hand on top this juju. If na u wey thief my radio,your hand go hook for am”.

We begin hala when she talk finish. 10 minutes pass before oga lanlord talk say em no like as iya biliki property dey miss.
“Una go put hand for this juju, or pack commot today”.

My heart don dey beat fast…
No be me steal the radio, na hide I hide am.
Iya biliki don dey play one sunny ade song since last week and I don tire to hear am.
I break the sunny ade casette, come chook the radio for under my bed.
That one na thief? No be thief now, na hide!

I dey look as all the small small pikin line up dey touch the juju.
I be better catholic person, but what if the Juju catch me?
And na bad thing I do wen I hide em radio so Mary no go protect me.
One plan enter my mind. I fit sneak, commot from the compound.
Ehh henn! Beta plan!.

As I waka 3 steps na so I hit Biliki,
“Na where you dey go”
“I no dey go anywhere, ahh ahhn!
“Oya move front”.

The pikin line don finish and Baba Muyi put hand touch am….
I join line. As my turn dey reach sweat dey gather for my nyash and face.

I look everybody face…
Dem just dey touch am like say nothin dey.
Remaining two person before my turn……
Hot shit don dey catch me.

As my turn reach, I first pray better prayer.
I come touch am…..
As e reach to remove hand, my hand no wan commot!
GHEN!!
EGBA MI!!!

I hear GBOSA for my back.
Hot slap like this.
“ONI IRANU! SO NA YOU DEY THIEF OUR THING”, Iya Biliki shout.
All the yard people come dey hala,
“Na you thief my tv!”
“So na you thief my mattress!”
“Stupid girl!”.
I hear another hot slap for back.
GBOSA!!
This one make me dey see stars…
I dey try talk but water don dey commot from my eye.

No be thief ohh!, na hide.
I swear put down…na hide!!
Three boys start to gather brush me.
One come tear my cloth commot.
The last thing I remember before I wake for igbobi wey my leg dey hang from ceiling, na where person dey shout:
“WHERE THAT TIRE DEY SEF?”.

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5 thoughts on “SLUMDOG

  1. its nice that you wrote in pidgin. but honestly i couldn’t pass the first paragraph. was too much stress to read and enjoy. you know i don’t understand pidgin. but it seems like a funny story. keep it up gurlie

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