I have disturbed my dad for about ten years to teach me how to drive. One day when I’m well over the legal age and way too lazy to pay for driving school he agrees.

We’re all watching tv and he says
“Oya, let us go and drive my car”
My mind does a mini moon walk, not the full blown one-least I have a heart attack.

A 3 scene movie flashes through my mind:
Scene 1: my dad explains driving and maneuver techniques in 5 sentences or less…
Scene 2: He allows me drive the car. I take the wheels, gingerly at first ….then with a little more confidence.
Scene 3:: I zoom off….grand theft auto mode, hitting that annoying girl on my street out of the way….VROMMMMmmmmm!, so long sucker!!!
Next, I’m competing in those arabian car races held in the desert(MIA’s bad girls style)…WOO HOO!

I run out of the house…YIPeee! From the side of my eye, I see my mum do a sign of the cross.
“I’ll ignore her”, I say to myself, just this one time. I run to the car, open the door and plop into the drivers seat.

Well, the first scene that flashed through my mind happened. I got a rather boring lecture about the a,b,c’s of driving (my dad thinks I should learn with a manual car).
After about 20 minutes spent tutoring me on gears, the brake, the clutch and other bla bla’s in a car, I have to buy me some gum to keep awake.

He gets tired of tutoring, maybe because he’s tired of seeing me yawn. He demonstrates some things he just taught me and tells me to get in the drivers seat and try them out.

Finally!. I turn on the engine…with a maniacal laugh ,and a whoop!
“Hahhhhhh…., Somebody stop me” I yell,(mask’s style).
I see my mum watching from the balcony, her fists clutching the metal protectors. Hmmmmph…!
I change gears and accelerate…

I remember me screaming….
I remember my dad diving into the drivers seat to stop the car gone wild…..
I remember my mum screaming….
A side mirror from another car snaps off as we hurtle past the car……
The house looms…..
Finally, my dad gets my feet of the accelerator and stops the car.

I run inside, race to the bar, grab a bottle of scotch and pour it down my throat.
……I breathe fire out of my mouth! My throat feels mutilated.
My mum is yelling at me in the background. I screen her voice out. What’s she yelling about, she learnt how to drive in THREE years!

My sister is laughing hysterically. My dad is inside and follows suit with the scotch. We look at each other and burst into laughter. Its funny now.
Someone in my mind I decide never to drive again, I’ll make tons of money, get a million drivers for each one of my cars. I know I’ll never make it through a driving test.
“So when is our next lesson”,dad says, still laughing.
Suddenly, he’s the only one laughing. I pick the bottle and go up to my room…..

Murderer!, I scream somewhere in my mind.
I’d rather learn how to fly a plane than drive ever again.


5 thoughts on “CARS: A DEATH TRAP!

  1. Pingback: CARS: A DEATH TRAP! « Tall tales from valerie

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