PHASE FOUR THEORY(prt 1)

I looked at my friend as she dressed up to go to the office, she looked absolutely stunning. she was a dear cute girl who had just started discovering her “seductive appeal”with guys. Till recently she was someone who didn’t give a flying raccoon if guys existed or not but lately that switch in her head had been turned off. At this point, she was in the  phase when chicks suddenly realize that guys exist. She got to this stage a little bit late but she’s here now!!!!

 I have this logic that there are four stages of discovery in a girls life. Every girl can choose to go through them one by one till she gets to the last one or she could start on the first one and skip to  any of the other three.

STAGE ONE: EUREKA, I HAVE BOOBS!!
You are walking on the street and a guy way older than you stops his car. The following conversation ensues:
Guy: Excuse me, please can i see you for a second. (many chicks have different variations of this story , please do not blame me for getting the specifics of the story wrong, i am not you! P.S The guy in my story was tush with a RAV 4, am sure the guy in your own story driving a beetle…smh at you).
GIRL: Emm, me?.
GUY: Yes you (In his mind: no the pillar at your back).
You walk forward to the car, praying that he only wants directions and that there are no other guys in the car waiting to drag you in and take you for ritual purposes.
GUY: “Whats up”, he stretches his hand for a handshake. You are terrified at this point because you have heard about people who shook strangers and were never seen again. You wipe your hands on your long skirt or badly shaped jean trouser and put it safely at your back.
GUY: Okay, i understand you don’t want to shake me. You’re scared right. Don’t worry i wont hurt you.
Sweat has gathered on about every part of your body it can gather on. You are afraid you’ll slip and fall very soon. What’s going through you’re mind is “Yeyyyyyy, mummy will soon be back, if she drives past and she sees me standing here, i will surely get knocked on the road, let this boy talk fast ohh”.
The guy notices you are petrified so he decides to do all the talking.

GUY: Ok, i just moved into this street, i live at No 23, the last house st the end of the street. I drive past every morning and evening. I always see you with your sisters in front of your house.  Long and short, I like you,…. a whole Lot. I know you’re mum will soon drive past, so can you give me you’re number so we can talk later. You’re name is Ada right?
GIRL: (stammering), yyyess.Ok, Its just my number you want? (audible relieved sigh). 08076399087.
GUY: (winding window of air conditioned car up), You’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen, and i have seen a lot of them (winks at you).

You hear the last word as the window closes and he puts on his shades and zooms off. At this point the imaginary light switch comes on in your head and in the voice of Albert Einstein you shout inside your head: Eureka, i have boobs!. A miniature you suddenly THINKS you’re sexy and can get any guy you want. At this point you run home, slim fit your clothes, buy pushup bras and start giving your mum attitude.
P.S This stage takes place from Jss3 to Ss3 depending on how fast your body developed/s. It continues till you have your first major (not minor ohh!) boyfriend.

STAGE TWO: GREY SCALE
At this point the world is in two colors:
1.  Guys that like me, guys that don’t.
2. Guys who want to marry me, Guys that don’t want to marry me.
3. Guy’s that I’ve met their mother/sister/father AND guys that i haven’t even met a toothpick from their house.

The list is endless just put guys as the first word and assign a good characteristic to that group of guys. The second group of guys are the ones who you thought were fools and who wouldn’t stand a chance with you. At  this point the world is your oyster, everyone bows at your feet. It’s like when you’re walking Beyonce’s “Run the world” plays as your theme song. You can get anything you want. You have crossed over from the Eureka stage and you suddenly realize men where meant to be humbled by women.

P.S some ladies are not this extreme in this stage, some of them are very restricted by their homes, guardians or environment so they do not have time to indulge. They eventually  realize their power and go ahead to become wildcats or they continue in their Amish contrived lifestyle.

Warning: Many ladies never snap out of this stage, they find husbands who love them beyond normal (and sometimes its not normal) and they rule the world FOREVER!!!.

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